Marriage in trouble because of suboxone....

[supermom1892]

Hi there,
I am the wife of a sub user. He's been on subs close to four years now. He has all the appearances of being normal but I am frightened his mind is getting messed up. No where can you find true stories of what this stuff does to hear head, it's all about what a wonderful lifesaving drug it is. grrrr The past six months, a few incidences led me to tell him I am not living like this anymore and his reaction is * I am over reacting *. Do you think getting a license to carry a gun, lost it on our 15 year old son and beat him with his fist (no physical injuries) and almost lost his job due to lateness (he is getting there on time now), is "over reacting??" This is a big family secret which is about to be exposed. Any advice would be appreciated.

[dmbas]

im young and feel your confusion, but think violence is the demon playn with his conscience, does he have one?? think he needs better help then i. i learned to laugh when i was about rage, and understand my actions have conscences, not he law, my conscience, witch makes you angryer. its a cycle that has to be broken. i think you might need some outside help with this one. sorry, and return violence will only fuel the situation. idk. i nice threat might push him either to work on his control or over the edge,

i have a puppy, a tough dog, and when he despitefully does something to annoy me, i feel like hittn him hard, then i start laughing, because i would feel bad and hittn him wont fix anything just make it worse. but the demon trys to tell me that takening out on him will make me feel better. thats what strives me to be peacefull. im a control freak though.

hopefull someone can give you better advise, im sorry, and stay strong.

[Substrate]

Hi Super,
As someone who hid my addiction from friends and family,I can tell you it's a big piece of guilt to haul around each day. I wouldn't threaten to "out"him...pride can make people do crazy things. Situations like this don't tend to get better...so I agree with the D-man. Instead of trying to fix him,YOU need to talk to someone...Maybe your health insurance allows counselor visits?
And really...be careful about exposing him...he may react with violence.

[SoCal]

hE'S ALREADY ACTED IN VIOLENCE!,,,I cant under any circumstances imagine beating one of my kids,,thats a BIG problem that needs to be addressed ,,cause as you know once someone does that ,,usually to the wife it just escalates,,I would deffinately talk to a proffesional and get some advise as to what to do,,maybe go to a family members?,,i dont know,,he could bring the violence wherever you go,,so thats why you need to talk to a proffesional who may have some answers for you and how to go about it safely,,thinkin of a father beating his own son really bothers and scares me for your own safety,,dont wait and hope it gets better,,see someone soon and take matters in your own hand to stay safe,,even if it means leaving him.
TT

[Poncho]

Hi there,
I am the wife of a sub user. He's been on subs close to four years now. He has all the appearances of being normal but I am frightened his mind is getting messed up. No where can you find true stories of what this stuff does to hear head, it's all about what a wonderful lifesaving drug it is. grrrr The past six months, a few incidences led me to tell him I am not living like this anymore and his reaction is * I am over reacting *. Do you think getting a license to carry a gun, lost it on our 15 year old son and beat him with his fist (no physical injuries) and almost lost his job due to lateness (he is getting there on time now), is "over reacting??" This is a big family secret which is about to be exposed. Any advice would be appreciated.

What's he need a license to carry for ? Sub can make you snap and cause severe depression. Does he have any kind of a plan to taper and get off it ? Everybody hides their addiction from non-addicts, thats nothing new. I don't know about outing him to other people either, the embarrassment could push him over the edge, just my opinion. I'm guessing your marriage problems go way back to his using days, and even though he's probably not messing with the opiates you can't stand that he is still a slave to a drug. It's understandable but if he doesn't want to quit and he's getting violent, get the hell out of there.
The Sub will fuck your head up, believe me

[subster58]

Hi there, I agree with what everyone has already said. Subs do fuck with your head.
Was he violent prior to his sub use/
I'm coming from a place where I got my ass kicked by 2nd husband. When he went after the kids, I'd go and hit him, so he would leave them alone, and I would end up on the floor.
Hitting or beating is a DEAL BREAKER.
Get help for you and your kids, or get out. NO GUNS either.
Keep posting, for you,
Subster58,
Tia

[supermom1892]

Hiya,
He has always been easily agitated but I have always compensated for that. I suppose the sub is enhancing it because this is the first time he went over the line. I am in counseling and I took my son to see someone but he wanted nothing to do with it. The good thing is, that when my husband and I met with the counselor first, I made sure the abuse came up and we were told explicitly it had to be reported. He said if we didn't report it, he would, so I made the call, even after my husband threatened that he didn't know if he wanted to be married to a woman who reported him for child abuse. It was hard to to, but the message was loud and clear that you never lay a hand on him again. There have been no calls from them, the fact it never happened before, no physical injury or previous reports, and that we were getting help problems means they screened it out and won't investigate. My husband does not think he needs therapy. He thinks he is fine and its all me. He goes to his sub doctor once a month and gets his script and out the door he goes. He is claiming he's getting off... Eight months ago I told him he needed to get off this stuff and he won't go below 2.25 mgs. I am taking this one day at a time, I will heed your advice and not force the issue of outing him but my kids need to know that the last 10 years of his behavior was not there fault. Thankyou for confirming that this stuff does f**ck with your head. And personally, living with someone on it, it seems, as time goes on, it gets worse. I am going to continue to persuade him to get some kind of counseling and help and see what happens.

[cheeps]

How old is he mom? How long you been married. Google mid life crisis or transition also....but the sub is a factor.

Jed Diamond http://www.amazon.com/Irritable-Male-Sy ... 666&sr=1-1

[subster58]

Happy to know you are getting help and trying to work things out.
sounds like YOU are on top of things.
Best of luck
Tia

[Lawley]

It is a bit of a strange one. Can we get an update Supermom. I know someone who is on Suboxone and they do seem to be acting a bit different and more angry.

[nomojo3479]

I hadn't been an active participant in violence since I was a kid.. but on sub and test I've had a violent encounter once or twice a year.. it sucks.. anyway, if ur husband didn't have a history of violence previous to sub I'd guess that sub is the issue. Good luck telling him this tho. Mayb show him this site.
I was 9 years into sub use before I even considered that mayb sub was causing my issues: depression, anger, etc.
anyway, good luck. I hope it works out for u

[cheeps]

Over the years we've had a thread two addressing HUGE anger issues while peeps use sub. I'll try to find it but it will take a bit....

if anyone remembers who was posting...help me out!