help off subsucker, 3-2-1-0 HELP

[subster58]

Hi peeps, 61 fucking days off the MF subsucker. Thanks to all of you guys for helping, listening to my rants, fucking up and spiking. Freddie is screaming in my ears, but I say FUCK HIM. I know I'm weak with regards to drugs, so thank GOD I don't know anyone who has anything. The cravings still come, but I do know that after some more time, hopefully those thoughts will be a distant memory. who knows.
My stomach is still screwed up, but I believe the antibiotics I'm on keep me near the throne. STILL
Know I still have many hurrdles to overcome, but for today, I'm great. Now I need to make myself do things, and not continue to be a hermit.
thanks everyone
Love ya
Tia

[Special K]

Yay Tia!

I'm so proud of you! Awesome Job!


Kat

[CTCheryl]

Wow, Tia, great job!! You are really collecting some time now! The worst is over, now, just like you said, maybe some throne issues and PAWS, but that's all doable. It's so good for someone like me who's been off sub for a couple of years to see people like you get past that first stage and know exactly how you are feeling. This will all just be a memory (bad one) soon!
Cheryl

[subster58]

Thanks Kat and Cheryl, I find it hard to believe too, as I never would of been able to do this on my own. To ss for helping me so much. still have cravings, pisses me off, so I just move on to something else. Changing the thinking from within is the challange now, along with the depression. stomach issues are driving me mad, but AB will do that. That should be resolved by now, right???WDS crap???
Love ya
Tia

[cheeps]

Thanks Kat and Cheryl, I find it hard to believe too, as I never would of been able to do this on my own. To ss for helping me so much. still have cravings, pisses me off, so I just move on to something else. Changing the thinking from within is the challange now, along with the depression. stomach issues are driving me mad, but AB will do that. That should be resolved by now, right???WDS crap???
Love ya
Tia

Tia....get some probiotics....and lay off the coffee!!!

[runthemachine]

2..... f-ing.... MONTHS!!!

Tia, you are a total rock star. As I've said before, if you read back through your earlier (and especially, earliest) posts, you could only dream... with hopeful eyes... of ever being where you are today. omg... SO freakin' awesome!!!

I'm so, so VERY proud of you, GF. I know you've still got some lingering issues... but, compared to the first 3 weeks or so... this ain't shit, right??? I LOVE being where you are ~ NOT dopesick. After what we've lived... it's f-ing heaven, ain't it???

All my love and admiration, Tia. You have earned the 'comforts' you enjoy today... you paid in Spades, and we're rewarded in Spades. Gods be praised.

G

[MyPainIsYours]

Goooo Tia! I'm so happy for you!!! It's been so nice to read all of your posts and have you give me advice! So proud of you though! I know what you mean, I would have been lost without you guys! Can't wait till you can mute Freddie enough, he's loud.. But can be stopped!

Big hugs n love

Aja

[subster58]

Thanks G and Pain, blows me away. still have stomach issues, so I guess I'll live on immodium . Everything else is doeable compared to the last 3 - 7 months with tapering. Freddie is still screaming in my ear, but not listening to his BS. Just for today
Love ya
Tia

[SubSucker]

Hell YES! Rock the fudge ON!

Right around two months is when my stomach/guts started getting a bit better.

Carry on you badass! Give Freddie's sack a little twist will ya? Thanks- I KNEW you would...

-SubSucker

[subster58]

Thanks Sub, giving freddie a real kick in the nards. Not going backwards. Trying to cut down on the immodium, the antibiotics didn't help. Dealing with depression, always gets worse when I get sick. better today, finally..
The mental aspect of getting off subs got me good past week, 1st due to illness and 2nd due to the subsucker detox.
Sometimes I feel like I'll never get my life back together due to this ever ending process, but I'm not giving up or in.
Just pushin thru all the bs, and grateful to be off 68 days. A fucking miracle.
Love ya
Tia

[subster58]

Hi Everyone, still off subs, but I am grateful I don't have any drugs near me or I would take them. The PAWS has taken a real hold on me and I fucking hate it. Still job hunting, but I'm unable to work yet, soon I hope and pray.
This is some evil shit to get off of and stay sain.House full of people and kids and I want them all out. All these emotions, anger etc. Feel like a loser, BUT I'M NOT GIVING IN OR UP. Thanks to all of you who haved helped me get this far. I will keep going, feels like a life time. Just have to suck it up and keep going
Tia

[cheeps]

Hi Everyone, still off subs, but I am grateful I don't have any drugs near me or I would take them. The PAWS has taken a real hold on me and I fucking hate it. Still job hunting, but I'm unable to work yet, soon I hope and pray.
This is some evil shit to get off of and stay sain.House full of people and kids and I want them all out. All these emotions, anger etc. Feel like a loser, BUT I'M NOT GIVING IN OR UP. Thanks to all of you who haved helped me get this far. I will keep going, feels like a life time. Just have to suck it up and keep going
Tia

Well....a loser you ain't....and the fuckin PAWS will be history one day. You are in the worst part I think....the days you wonder if life will EVER be normal (haha), good, fruitful, or not one BIG hassle!!!

Do something for yourself....everyday download a beautiful picture....tape it somewhere....look at it's beauty. Download some music or buy a CD....play it and listen intently to the good parts. Buy a candle smell that you love....light that fucker and sit there and tell yourself that you DESERVE to live peacefully and that you will be happier soon.

[subster58]

Thanks Sara, as always you lifted my spirits. Need to rant sometimes as NOONE gets it. As if I want to feel this way. I love music and play it loud to help get rid of thoughts running thru my brain. All lies. I'm grateful I have you guys to vent to and a couple of friends to talk to, they give support, but the depth of the detox is difficult for them.
A friend of mind is going to the shrink, and they want to use subs for depression. MFers. She has seen what I'm going thru and she said she'll never touch it. So one less person to suffer thru.
Love ya
Tia

[SoCal]

Thanks G and Pain, blows me away. still have stomach issues, so I guess I'll live on immodium . Everything else is doeable compared to the last 3 - 7 months with tapering. Freddie is still screaming in my ear, but not listening to his BS. Just for today
Love ya
Tia

that is awesome!!2 months!!,,man,,your so far ahead of me ,,but i cant wait to be where you are now,,and i hope i can keep kickin freddies ass like you have done!!!,,just keep on kickin!!
TT

[cheeps]

they want to use subs for depression

Frightening....absolutely horrible.....but I'm sure that it will be used for hairloss too. It's a GODDAMNED MIRACLE DRUG!!!

[subster58]

you got it Sara, use it for pain, depression and other lying BS.
TT, if I can get off subs, so can you, you've been around and read everything. The important part of getting off oxy's was my MD closed, plus all my friends are sober, so that it a GREAT help. Don't know anyone who has drugs which I am grateful for, as I know I would of used, crazy as it seems. At times you want to say fuck it and lapse into a stupor. slow and steady wins the race, I fucked up, spiked etc, then FINALLY listened to you peeps.
Sub is an evil soul sucking drug from hell. One of the worst mistakes I've made to go on subs, and I've made alot.
Depression sucks, so going to go wake the neighbors and jam out. lol
Love ya
Tia

[emily]

Tia
Wow...can you believe how much time has passed and YOU ARE CLEAN & SOBER!!!! Yeah Tia! You did it and i remember you saying you didnt' think you were strong enough.. I am sorry you are feeling depressed. The only thing i can say is depression sucks but it will ease up with time..You Rock!
Hugs
Em

[subster58]

Thanks Em, how are you doing?? continue to job hunt and sent out resumes, but I'm fearfull of everything now. guess its part of the depression. I used to be a strong kick-ass chick and now I'm in a black hole of worry and all kinds of stupid bs, Can't seem to get my shit together. WTF. I know patience and time. Months of this is really getting to me, but as Sara says pull up my undies and suck it up
Doing the best I can. 78 days off subs today.
Love ya
Tia

[SubSucker]

78 days off subs today.

Go on with your badass self!

-SubSucker

[h8tethisfeeling]

Hello everyone. I'm so happy for Tia I just read this whole thread. I hope to be where you are one day. Thank you and others for posting your experiences.