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txern41
New Member
USA
31 Posts |
 Posted - 02/06/2010 : 8:28:31 PM
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hello everybody! long time no see. i have a problem with kratom. i've suffered from severe depression/anxiey and have tried almost all a/'ds. i even tried suboxone and hydrocodone and poppy pod tea-ugly reactions. but for some strange, unfathomable reason, kratom has been the only thing that has worked magically ffor me. now i'm hookedand don't know what to do. the doses are getting higher and higher and i'm scared to death of being so hooked and suffering opiate withdrawal symptoms when i'm already severly depressed with pathological anxiety,it's helped me cut down on benzo's but opiate like withdrawals-i'm terrified. i know i won't make it, won't even want to. it is keeping me alive. however, i'm scheduled for transcranial magnetic stimulation therapy and i do believe it will help. so i guess i'll have to wait until midway therapy to start taper. if i quit now, i won't make to therapy. even with it, i'm all fucked up but i think i could make it to therapy with it. but i know i'll have to stop soon. c
. i don't have any physical symptoms except slightly runny nose, no constipation, sweating, hangovers itchiness, no appetite loss. but what if i stop? what about using grapefruit juice, cimetidine, loperamide/ could that help? please, please help! ernie
could that help? please, please help |
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gettingbetter
Jr. Member
131 Posts |
Posted - 02/06/2010 : 8:40:32 PM
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HEY THERE Ernie. You aren't alone. I quit a huge kratom habit and have been sober since August 2008. I would love nothing more than to help you. You can do this.
First things first: how much are you taking? Any clue? I know it's tough to measure. Any particular brand? Extracts or plain leaf? If we can get a rough estimate on what's going in, we can figure out how to get it out.
The stuff isn't keeping you alive hon ... I can't tell you how much better life got without it for me. Let's talk.
take care,
Danielle |
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celticpride
Senior Member
Vatican City
1768 Posts |
Posted - 02/06/2010 : 8:43:38 PM
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The unfortunate truth is that there are no free rides when we abuse drugs. Whether it be opiates, suboxone or Kratom, when it comes to getting clean we all have to pay the piper in one way or another. Try not to get too worked up in your own head. I have always thought the withdrawal's were going to be worse than they ever really were. The only cure is abstinence and time. You definitely need some sort of support system and therapy to find out why you are depressed. Go to the doctor and let him/her know what you are going through. You can use comfort meds as you have mentioned but depression usually follows after quitting any thing that messes with our endorphins. It will take time before your body and mind heals itself. I do not know too much about Kratom but just as any other drug if you want to get clean you can with hard work and support. Please continue to post. You are not alone in your struggle. If I were in your shoes I would taper and then switch to plain leaf before jumping. You REALLY have to get help for your depression and anxiety. I suffer from that as well and trying to just suck it up does not work.
~CelticPride |
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celticpride
Senior Member
Vatican City
1768 Posts |
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smelllibear
Member
USA
296 Posts |
Posted - 02/07/2010 : 11:31:53 AM
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| i found kratom worser the suboxone and that is saying something.....lol....you feel shitty for long periods after taking kratom and worser when stopping it....effects last longer then eveb sub in my opinion thats why the ones who take or taken kratom and quit still seem to feel shit months out.....you also feel shit months out quittng sub too but its a different feeling to kratom effects.......trust me.....get off that devil ASAP...... |
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txern41
New Member
USA
31 Posts |
Posted - 02/07/2010 : 11:30:45 PM
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| thanks everybody for responding. how many grams of powder in a tsp. before christmas, i had quit for about a week. before that it was about six weeks everyother day and not very much. it's been about a month now that i have been using quite heavily and most in last 2 weeks. just bought 80x extract but have only used about six drops. won't touch it again. funny, the first 6-8 weeks i did'nt think to much of it. but after i laid off a week, i took some maeng da and all of a sudden, holy crap i felt awesome. all my problems gone. i did that for 3 days and then stopped for about 5 days and began again til present moment. well, i figured i would try methylone/mephedrone today. just a little and i felt pretty good. but it made me crave nicotine, so i chew lozenges all day without kratom. so when the meth/meph wears off. i get this huge panic attack. mild nicotine poisoning. very strange, can't smoke or drink coffee and of course stimulants but meth/meph no problem. i've taken it before and actually calms me down. i figure it could help me with kratom. anyway, my panic attack requires about 30-40 grams of kratom-an all time high and that barely works. did not want to take valium! i THINK meth/meph can help as i only took 2 wet half pinky doses but i am under no illusion that it can be just as addicting as kratom. i did not have to redose but you can't use logic with these kinds of drugs. guess i'll need to get a scale. i'm at a month of kratom-everyday so maybe there's hope. i look forward to your feedback and thank you guys for your kind response. ernie |
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txern41
New Member
USA
31 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2010 : 10:44:14 PM
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| sorry everybody, but i'm outta here. my life is definitely not worth a fuck. my only salvation is cold steel. as i write i have my gun to my head. fuck god! to those who tried to help, thanks i was su |
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beachnut
Senior Member
USA
1400 Posts |
Posted - 02/10/2010 : 08:48:49 AM
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Txern.......... hold up babe. I feel you. I was where you were sitting not but 8mo ago. I had potassium ready after a shot of lidocain. Had my insulin ready, along with 2gm of tar. I decided to give it one more chance to change for me. I took drastic measures.
Please....please read my thread on IBogain. Not for everyone but beats death. |
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mimiluv
Local Fixture
Cuba
6396 Posts |
Posted - 02/10/2010 : 08:52:37 AM
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| Txern, Your life is worth a shit. Please don't kill yourself!! Please come back and talk to us. |
Angela
8/26/09 sub free
9/6/09 benzo free
9/27/09 CLEAN!!!
Before you can see the light, you must DEAL with the darkness. |
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Gillabug
Moderator
USA
3001 Posts |
Posted - 02/10/2010 : 4:21:14 PM
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| Whoaaaa tx! Suicide is a permanent fix for a temporary problem!! |
"Never make someone a priority, when all you are to them is an option." |
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Sub Standard
New Member
10 Posts |
Posted - 02/11/2010 : 1:22:43 PM
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Jesus Crist, This forum is certainly more eventfull then some of the other "Pro-sub" ones. I can't say ive ever been witness to a online suicide before.
I didn't follow txern41's story, but I think I know a cry for help when I see one. I may be a bit late with this comment, but could the Moderators or whomever hosts this forum please alert the Police that a member is suicidial and possibly dead. They can trace the IP, and maybe save his life. Whatever happens now, is out of my hands. I said my piece. |
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Gillabug
Moderator
USA
3001 Posts |
Posted - 02/11/2010 : 1:36:28 PM
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Hey Sub.. you have a very good point. But we don't even know his name. Other than his user name. He doesn't post any info on his profile either.
I truly hope he is ok, and will come back and let us support him through this. |
"Never make someone a priority, when all you are to them is an option." |
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toto
Senior Member
USA
1387 Posts |
Posted - 02/11/2010 : 2:39:59 PM
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texern41, don'y mean to put your busniness on the street but' am scared you're dead of thinking of it.
You're crying for help & we can help you.
All I can find in you profile is: Real Name: ernie soto
Location: el paso, tx, USA
Have to find out if this is true.
I'll be checking the white pages in El Paso, TX.
Please, please give us a holler. We can help you.
Don't look at your local newspapers & seeing your name in the obits.
Please, Please, please check in, come back you 'll find people that geninuely care. If I find you number is listed I'll be calling you immediately. Tasha
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Gillabug
Moderator
USA
3001 Posts |
Posted - 02/11/2010 : 2:52:49 PM
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| Tash,, you might want to do what Sub suggested.. Call the police. |
"Never make someone a priority, when all you are to them is an option." |
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toto
Senior Member
USA
1387 Posts |
Posted - 02/11/2010 : 3:36:45 PM
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I did found a Ernie Sota in El Paso, Tx. Number is unlisted.
Don't you think that a board Moderator or admistrative should
be the ones do make the decison to call the police.
I don't know if this is the same Ernie That's posting here?
His profile does say he's 41 yrs liike his profile here.
I have a bad fear of dealing with PO lice especially the ones from Texas. Can you reach Ratchet & give him the scoop.
I don't what to explain of how to answer what kind of computer board
that Ernie wrote this on to the police? For junkies? Need advice here guy cause no one else is going anything.
I feel like total crap & my head & body is not ready for this. |
Edited by - toto on 02/11/2010 3:43:49 PM |
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4jumper
Member
USA
285 Posts |
Posted - 02/11/2010 : 4:52:25 PM
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| First of all what the f is Kratom? On second thought at this stage in the game I really don't want to know. I think this could be a lost cause unfortunately. Ernie could be short for Ernest, Ernesto. Soto is a very common name especially in the S.W. Hey who even knows if its a real name. From what I remember El Paso takes up a lot of space and has a lot of small towns around it. It's like saying your from NYC but you live in yonkers or something. Hey I live 25 minutes outside of Philly and when asked I still say I'm from Philly. You can't track a few posts and connect the dots. If you do identify the ISP which is difficult it will only give a general area. Who's to say this guy isnt posting from a library, a school, from work, from Starbucks. You'll never find him. I think all we can do is prey he changed his mind and is a little more wrapped up in his addiction right now, or for that matter sought help and is in a detox/rehab. Besides if you call the cops do you think they will care about suicidal junkies, they're just looking to bust somebody. Maybe you should call and say this guy had a couple of oz's of shitty mexican H. I'm sure they'd look him up. You can only help those that want to help themselves. Enough said..... |
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danny2
Advanced Member
706 Posts |
Posted - 02/11/2010 : 5:21:05 PM
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Wow Sad situation!
I hope tav is OK.
Reaching out and trying to help is a wonderful thing to see.
What makes it almost impossible as well as frustrating is the lack of relevant info.4jumper brings up good points why it's so difficult.
And that we're not equipped or trained in suicide prevention..
Everybody here tried,did the best they could with what little info was available. Other than 911,there's a national hotline 1-800-SUICIDE. |
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt.Bertrand Russell
The dumbest people I know are the ones who know it all.Malcolm Forbes. |
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Gillabug
Moderator
USA
3001 Posts |
Posted - 02/11/2010 : 6:36:56 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by 4jumper
First of all what the f is Kratom? On second thought at this stage in the game I really don't want to know. I think this could be a lost cause unfortunately. Ernie could be short for Ernest, Ernesto. Soto is a very common name especially in the S.W. Hey who even knows if its a real name. From what I remember El Paso takes up a lot of space and has a lot of small towns around it. It's like saying your from NYC but you live in yonkers or something. Hey I live 25 minutes outside of Philly and when asked I still say I'm from Philly. You can't track a few posts and connect the dots. If you do identify the ISP which is difficult it will only give a general area. Who's to say this guy isnt posting from a library, a school, from work, from Starbucks. You'll never find him. I think all we can do is prey he changed his mind and is a little more wrapped up in his addiction right now, or for that matter sought help and is in a detox/rehab. Besides if you call the cops do you think they will care about suicidal junkies, they're just looking to bust somebody. Maybe you should call and say this guy had a couple of oz's of shitty mexican H. I'm sure they'd look him up. You can only help those that want to help themselves. Enough said.....
Excellent post 4jumper.. I couldn't agree more.
And Tash, I sooo see your point too. I hope he is Ok.. maybe he'll come let us know.. I hope so anyway! |
"Never make someone a priority, when all you are to them is an option." |
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beachnut
Senior Member
USA
1400 Posts |
Posted - 02/11/2010 : 6:39:49 PM
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| Been praying for him. This has been two days now. I was really hoping he would at least come back and see if there were any replies. It took 12 hours before anyone happen to come on the forum...... really just stumped at what action can be taken.....Has anyone call the 1800 number? |
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julie1129
Local Fixture
3212 Posts |
Posted - 02/11/2010 : 6:51:29 PM
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God, this is heart-wrenching.
I think anyone suffering with depression can relate to his feelings of utter desperation and hopelessness.
Sucky place to be.
I just hope he's okay.
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gettingbetter
Jr. Member
131 Posts |
Posted - 02/11/2010 : 9:56:25 PM
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| T ... I'm not at this forum often, but I can echo the above. Listen, come back. Just stick around and get help. 30-40 grams is totally manageable to get off of, I promise. |
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txern41
New Member
USA
31 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2010 : 11:32:53 PM
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| it's me ernie. back from the dead and feelin evrybit of it. thanks to everybody who responded with kindless amd caring. i broke down when i read the replies. some people do care and want to help. thank you, i will never forget my wole life. i have quite a story to tell. when i last signed on at the end i writing some more and the just said 'fuck'this' and sent.iff there is a god or devil he came in the form of my brother who had just walked in, he immediately grabbed the gun, we struggled for a few seconds but just i gave the gun to him , i did;nt want to hurt. well, they called the authorities and i was kindly afterwards transporrted to the local psych ward. i was not in a very good mood and resisted, 5 policee had to restrain me. i wans't kicking or puching but i was able thru my martial arts trainiing to make it very hard to pin me down. any way, he got me into the gurney and wrapped up really tight. i kept going nuts and they had to pump me full of haldol. that knocked the shit out of me. anyway, i was in for about four days. i pretended to partiipate and bullshitted my way out. i walked out with klonopin. they gave me extra because of kratom and dexedrine for my add. any way, i prompltly filled prescription and took a swig. then i went home and boiled a 0z of kratom and drank the tea. tried dexedrine good up bad down. no more dexedrine. well, i;m very sick taking 5-6 mg klon a day plus 1-11/2oz kratom. i am barely alive and almost completely catatonic. i can't get of bed, my parents force to eat 3 maels a day. i have to be threatened to take shower-- i hate it. i am completely agoraphobic, i stay in my room all day and rarely come out. can't watch tv or read books. mostly use the internet and fell imprisoned with total loss of control-burnt out, a lot of anxiety bacause i;m trapped and unable to make a decision. completely unable to go anyhere or do anything. i fell worse when i do. am extrely suicidal and my other gun beckons me ever so seductively. i am scheduled for tms therapy but am so distraught i don't know how i can make it. right now i can't understand how i'm still alive.i've had experienced pain so terrible, awful, i fear the grimreaper no more. everyday, the same shit over and and over again. knowing what evil awaits. just feel absolutely miserable, even since the benzo's in june felt so felt so horrible ever since. i believe they have comlpleted destroyed my body and soul. anyway, i've got sub and was wondering id someone help with ataper schedule. my doctor said months but i believe that too dangerous. thank you everyone for your love care and kindness. sub is really the only option now. i need something quick to stop the kratom--for sure, benzo's most likely. tried sub once no benzo's but at the very least taper benzo's. but that could be problem too. off sub then what. sincerely, ernie |
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txern41
New Member
USA
31 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2010 : 11:38:04 PM
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| i'm getting slight but noticable dark pigmentation on parts of me face. kratom? |
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beachnut
Senior Member
USA
1400 Posts |
Posted - 03/17/2010 : 12:16:43 PM
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I have read this before..... I never use kratom but I have read some about it. I think your trying to fight fire with fire. But your choice.
I would read more about it. Good luck. |
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CTCheryl
Senior Member
USA
1121 Posts |
Posted - 03/17/2010 : 2:11:55 PM
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Ernie,
WTF?? Your post brought me right back to 9 months ago when I was just so fucked up in my head I would just write these posts here that went around and around and made no sense to anyone but me. I felt like I was swimming in jello every day of my life and all that mattered was that I had enough drugs in me so I wouldn't feel anything. Avoiding withdrawal was my only goal. You gave me chills today, thank you for that, I've been feeling pretty weak these last few days what with one of my old drug providers calling me. So you helped me with this post.
Back to you. I can't tell if you seriously want a change in lifestyle or not by this post. I mean, no matter what, ending this cycle of addiction is not going to be easy on you. If you have an opportunity to go In Patient anywhere, I would seriously advise you to take it. You really need to have medical supervision getting off the K-pins and dexi's. Why someone would want to use a speed and benzo combo is beyond me, but a high's a high I guess. This is a tough one to just tell you a taper at home by yourself.
Haven't you tried to taper alone before?
I hope you stick around,
Cheryl
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txern41
New Member
USA
31 Posts |
Posted - 03/17/2010 : 6:04:07 PM
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| thanks everbody, not taking dex anymore. could would somebody give me some advice for doing sub taper probably 2 weeks, but mabye 4. that would really be a big help. i tapered one time for abot ten days-didn't do any benzo's or kratom. don't remember too muuch about withdrawing but i was able to stay clean for 2 weeks but then relapseddue to external and internal circumstances. but this time i'm trying tms-like ect for the 21st century and i know if i can get my brain rebooted and i feel better, i'll have a much better chance. i truly want to be free. if i could just smoke pot. i'd be a happy man.i could'nt do it alone but with brand new tek for dep/anxiety, i've got a fighting chance. ernie |
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Topic |
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kratom
Your just what txern needs