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So Cal
Senior Member
1950 Posts |
 Posted - 02/19/2010 : 3:14:12 PM
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Your very much welcome!! I know it seems kinda cold in a way to take someones misfortunes and help them to make you feel better but hey,,it does work,,at least it did for me while in prison. all i had to do to make my day better was to think of the guy in the next cell who was doing a life term. when i thought of him my troubles becoamse more tolerable.
hang in there,,i think the only thing that will help us is time,,,but a little therapy wouldnt hurt either.
TT |
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mimiluv
Local Fixture
Cuba
6396 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2010 : 4:41:46 PM
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| Daniel, I hope you're having an okay day. Please check in. If you want to talk send me a pm. This isolating is not good for you, you already know this. You need to do something different this time. When I was about where you are, I didn't think I could hang on anymore, but I did and it passed. We can't help you if you don't let us know what's going on. You may think posting on here can't or won't help, but I think it will. When you first came here you were having a good time w/ me, and now you're depressed, right, so , like I have told you. There is a lot of up and down to energy, moods, ect... you just have to ride each cycle out, KWIM. Hang in there!! |
Angela
8/26/09 sub free
9/6/09 benzo free
9/27/09 CLEAN!!!
Before you can see the light, you must DEAL with the darkness. |
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mimiluv
Local Fixture
Cuba
6396 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2010 : 4:53:53 PM
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| Also, I have been feeling really good as of late. Buuuut, today, I feel like my get up and go, got up and left again. But at this point it hardly fazes me anymore, because I know it will pass again. This time it lasted longer than the time before. I am just like Whatever, here we go again, lol. I wish I lived by you, cuz I would come over and crawl through your broken screens and drag you down to the beach w/ me, or make you go to the mall, lol. |
Angela
8/26/09 sub free
9/6/09 benzo free
9/27/09 CLEAN!!!
Before you can see the light, you must DEAL with the darkness. |
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mimiluv
Local Fixture
Cuba
6396 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2010 : 09:15:22 AM
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Daniel, please check in and let me know you're okay |
Angela
8/26/09 sub free
9/6/09 benzo free
9/27/09 CLEAN!!!
Before you can see the light, you must DEAL with the darkness. |
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Daniel
Member
227 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2010 : 09:40:23 AM
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| Im alive, but not ok, I used an opi on friday and have no idea what to do now. |
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So Cal
Senior Member
1950 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2010 : 10:09:55 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by mimiluv
Also, I have been feeling really good as of late. Buuuut, today, I feel like my get up and go, got up and left again. But at this point it hardly fazes me anymore, because I know it will pass again. This time it lasted longer than the time before. I am just like Whatever, here we go again, lol. I wish I lived by you, cuz I would come over and crawl through your broken screens and drag you down to the beach w/ me, or make you go to the mall, lol.
I dont know how old you are but age can contribute to alot of the feelings,,,especcially in the morning, i dont attempt to do anything till ive got a pot of coffee in me,,,,and if i read your post right you live near the ocean!!!you fucker!! can you grab a cup of coffee and go sit on the beach?! You fucker!! the beach cures all!! you fucker!!!
TT |
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beachnut
Senior Member
USA
1400 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2010 : 10:58:19 AM
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I found once the switch was turned on... its ON.
Many things left to do for you but totally up to you...my friend. I know the fear your in.. I was there. Being clean after so many yrs seem so "unnatural". Well, it is unnatural. We are not even sure what is natural.
You do have options. Just depends on what your willing to do.
my heart is with you... |
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mimiluv
Local Fixture
Cuba
6396 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2010 : 11:04:09 AM
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| What do you do NOW? Pick yourself up and get back to moving in the right direction. Check you pm's. |
Angela
8/26/09 sub free
9/6/09 benzo free
9/27/09 CLEAN!!!
Before you can see the light, you must DEAL with the darkness. |
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mimiluv
Local Fixture
Cuba
6396 Posts |
Posted - 02/22/2010 : 10:49:07 AM
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| Daniel, how are you doing?? Please let me know!! Have you used anymore? |
Angela
8/26/09 sub free
9/6/09 benzo free
9/27/09 CLEAN!!!
Before you can see the light, you must DEAL with the darkness. |
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Daniel
Member
227 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2010 : 2:36:34 PM
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Hi Everyone- I am not doing well, I could not take the mental anguish anymore and went back on suboxone.
Call me what you will- Loser, not willing enough, wanting to use more than be clean etc etc. but I could not make it. This is a huge huge huge disappointment. 4 weeks at a hardcore treatment center. I actually made it through- the first time in my life I did not leave AMA. Another 4 weeks or so clean after that. I just could not take it. Bills were piling up, things were coming undone around the house, and I just seemed to be getting more and more depressed. I just could not stand it anymore.
I'm so sorry to be a let down. I dont know if I should even be posting on this site anymore because maybe I am going to discourage someone from sticking it out. I'm really very sorry. Everyone has been so nice to me. I dont think I have ever met such a wonderful compasionate group of people in my life. In the short time everyone here at SubSux has become like family. Even the inter- bickering and stuff is like a family. It is really heartwarming.
So, please if someone could tell me that since I went back on sub if I should not hang around here anymore etc.
Love
Daniel
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Daniel
Member
227 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2010 : 2:56:25 PM
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FYI V.IMPORTANT I dont know if everyone is aware that the sub company actually has a phone number that you can call and report problems.. to a live person!
I just got off the phone with a representative Nurse for the company (Rickets?- sub company) - The suboxone web page is offering a "program" where they "help" you with info about the medication etc. I called to ask them if they were planning on starting any sort of research on helping people with the dreadful PAWS associated w/suboxone and informing the public that the paws is similar to methadone paws. Well... as you can imagine the friendly Nurse went totally robotic and started touting a company line- "any opiate medication has paws".blah blah puke vomit blah. Finally, I asked her if this was the number to call to report problems with the medication and she said "yes". (I was surprised). She claimed that I was one of a minority of people that have difficulty with prolonged PAWS. "Most people do not experience the symptoms you are experiencing" So I told her that there were hundreds of people that were in their 4th 5th, or even 8-9th month of PAWS and that the company could expect to get plenty of phone calls. She said "If you say so sir". Can you believe that shit????
Now- just so I am not misunderstood- I am not going to play complete victim. I got myself into this mess. I fell for the easy way out "take a pill" and ended up on suboxone and in this nightmarish cycle. But I certainly was not informed that the PAWS would be similar to Methadone. It was not until about a year later that I started researching the med and reading horror stories about the paws associated w/ long term use of suboxone.
BUT- I AM the one responsible for my actions. Period.
So I am going to post it here. Anyone wanting to call and tell your experience with the brutal PAWS associated w/ suboxone....here it is:
It is called the "HERE TO HELP" program. 1 877 782 6966 Wait for the recording and CHOOSE OPTION # 2 to speak with a "specialist" |
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620tcat
Executive Member
2754 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2010 : 3:13:09 PM
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I hope you stick around Daniel. Look at it like this, someone will read that and see why not to go on sub or back on sub.
Maybe you can stay on a really low dose and get through it when you can. I mean you have to know that doing this sub is going to turn on you eventually. Anyway don't go, keep posting and dust yourself off. If people could quit the first time this place would not exist, tcat
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beachnut
Senior Member
USA
1400 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2010 : 3:38:58 PM
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I hope you stick around.... this is a process. Most of us didn't get here over nite and wont get clean overnight... Hun.. I been using majority of my life. I had clean time and would fail again. No judgment here.
My worry is that you have come so far... face what we or most have to face. I fear the sub will just stop working for you. Then where will you be? |
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Daniel
Member
227 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2010 : 4:12:34 PM
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thanks you both. here is the thing I found frustrating: The reason I used was simply because I could not take the never ending withdrawal. Waking up day after day unmotivated, tired, things piling up etc.
I felt terrible. Fuck I dont know. I have a low tolerance for w/d I guess. And getting to 2 months and feeling even worse than I did a month earlier- I really thought I was going mad. I thought I was going to end up with nurse ratchet and a rubber room.
I cannot say I have a "plan" at this point- other than what you said t-man I will go from my current 6mg- down to 2 asap. From there .... I cannot even think that far. I'm terrified.
I will stick around for sure, unless I'm not wanted. |
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mimiluv
Local Fixture
Cuba
6396 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2010 : 7:38:39 PM
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I don't know what to say Daniel. I am sorry you went back to sub after all of that suffering. I really wish you could have held on a bit longer... I was off of it for 33 days once and went back on it. It took a whole lot for me to want to even try again. I am worried that you'll be to scared now to even try again, KWIM. If you get to feeling so horrible on it like I did, maybe you will. I hate this fucking drug so much They want to trap you/us for life on it. I don't want you to leave the forum I just really pray that you will get off of sub one day. Living on sub is no way to live.
It will rob you of everything good in life. I know you know this.
Get down to the lowest dose you can. After being off of it for 2 months, 1mg or less would have worked great for you. Try to get down to 1mg ASAP!! Then work on getting off of the benzo's in the mean time. |
Angela
8/26/09 sub free
9/6/09 benzo free
9/27/09 CLEAN!!!
Before you can see the light, you must DEAL with the darkness. |
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beachnut
Senior Member
USA
1400 Posts |
Posted - 02/24/2010 : 05:27:06 AM
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| 6mg??? really? I would suggest you drop that right now to one mg. NO NEED for 6mg. |
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Daniel
Member
227 Posts |
Posted - 02/24/2010 : 2:32:22 PM
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Beech- just to show you how bad a scam the Suboxone doc thing is: As I said I did not go back to my regular doc, I found a new doc-right smack from the Sub homepage. So I find a new doc on Monday. I go to the office and..... This Dr.lady is a ...get this..... Pediatrician.... ! ? ! WTF? It turns out that some of the mothers of the children she treats have had problems with pain meds. Some on OCs etc. She actually seemed genuine in telling her story of becoming a sub doc. I have no idea as to the details ......but she learned of the suboxone miracle program and that as a physician she could simply take a 2 hour class and..... presto.... now she is not only a pediatrician, but certified in the treatment of Opiate Addiction...with a little orange pill. The new "mother's little helper".
Back to me:
So she asked a few questions- hardly anything. Not even how much or what I was using!. I just said painkillers and that I was afraid I might use heroin.(not that I had..) She wanted to prescribe me two 8mg tabs per day...... 16 MGs! I was stunned.
I had explained to her already that I had been on it before, and that I did not need more than a max of 4mg/day.
She was totally clueless about the med. I could have been given 16mg/ day if I had wanted to. Its totally insane. Since she seemed clueless -but open, I started to tell her a bit about suboxone and it's dark side. The half life, its potency, that the PAWS is what causes so much difficulty for people, not so much the acute. She was interested and a bit troubled and said she would "talk to her pharma rep" about this. .....
I could write more about this whole encounter... but it is just a confirmation that Sub is handed out like candy. To sum up the sad absurdity of it: I obtained my sub legally from a Pediatrician..... that takes the cake.
If I was not so disappointed in myself and having a million thoughts of negativity/second I would probably laugh at the whole thing.... But it is not funny and I really fucked up. |
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OverIt
Advanced Member
798 Posts |
Posted - 02/24/2010 : 5:20:00 PM
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| You should be able to make an 8mg pill last you almost a month without a problem. Unless your tolerance spiked again. |
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Daniel
Member
227 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2010 : 1:21:19 PM
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I know Over- and 8mg seems like the size of a pizza. I asked her not to give me a script for the 8s and that she prescribe me 2mg tabs.... So I only have the 2s. It is just baffling that this med is being handed out like this. And at high doses. Has anyone heard of any lawsuits against this company? There is going to be a whole generation on this shit if it keeps up like this. It is almost being treated like an anti-depressant. Prozac for opiate heads.
I decided to face the music and I saw my old doctor and fessed up with what happened. I thought for sure he was going to say that he could no longer provide svcs for me. Instead he wants to help me get off and since I am back on- keep it at the low dose, and while I am on the med to taper me from the remaining benzo dose I am on.
I also saw my therapist. It sucks having to go around and disappoint people. I also want to go to this meet I called a home grp.
Right now I am just trying to hang in and not go off the deep end because of this relapse back to the sub.
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OverIt
Advanced Member
798 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2010 : 2:47:19 PM
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| Don't be hard on yourself. Just try to keep your tolerance down so when you do decide to get off it won't take you years to do it. |
Opiate Free: 11/30/09
If you fail to view getting wet as a mistake, you won't recognize the fact that you forgot your umbrella. |
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beachnut
Senior Member
USA
1400 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2010 : 11:19:27 PM
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Dan........... time to check in. Isolation is a killer when going thru this.
We are not gonna come down on you if you chose not to detox, we just want to be here for you. Support, it free. Ratch pays for it bud.
Please just check in. I know it difficult when feeling like crap. When I was detoxing I was on the net daily. I used Jay (ODR) as my sub doc and had to be accountable to someone. IT also allow me to feel a part of the bigger picture.
Please check in... pm me if thats all you can muster.
Bonita |
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Topic |
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Daniel- Introduction- new here.
